How incredible would it be to send a letter to your past self?!
The shortest of messages that just says – it will be ok.
A year ago today, I woke up in intensive care after having major surgery. I remember bits. I remember Coldplay playing in theatre before I went under. I remember the huddle taking place on the other side of the room of doctors and nurses discussing the plan. I remember being surprised that I was being an easy patient – I just needed the right pain to stop. I remember the lady who held my hand and hummed along to Coldplay as she put me under.
Then I remember my Mum and Dad in masks and gowns. I remember waking up in a seated(ish) position. I remember a desk at the end of my bed facing me. I remember a doctor sitting there explaining what had happened. I remember just hearing words but not understanding any of them. I remember not being able to move. I remember the beeps. I remember the calm I felt. I remember the pain, a different pain, a better pain. I remember asking if I could go home now. I remember the doctor who sat by my bed that night telling jokes.
One year on … what would I say to the girl in the ITU bed?
- It will be tough but everyday you will get stronger
- Hair grows 💪
- The right people will see you through, the others will show themselves – they are no loss
- You should 100% buy a camper van and take the dog on tour 🐾
- In a years time, you will feel stronger than you have done in a long time.
- Social media is not all bad 🤣 it can be a huge support from people who have experiences the same as you all over the world and super close to home 🥰
- Your family and friends are awesome
- Anything is possible just do it
The whole time I was in the hospital, I dreamt of the beach. The beach is my ultimate happy place, here at home or in all of the beautiful places I have been lucky enough to travel to. I just wanted to get there, I just wanted to go to the beach with my dog and stand in the sea 🤣 AND I finally did it! 🥳
We headed to Avon Beach yesterday – with the sound of the waves this is a place filled with a thousand childhood memories.
It was the Best Day!
I have been saying for ages that I wanted to get a tattoo today to mark a year and have tried to book the session but it is really difficult to book when you have no idea what you want except something a bit like the other one … 👇
But as we were leaving the beach, with a sand covered dog, I thought that’a exactly it, the beach! I started with the idea of a shell 🐚 the type when you hold it to your ear ‘you can hear the sea’ but google quickly made me worry that if it wasn’t spot on it would look like a snail … I didn’t need a snail tattoo 🤣
I love this stone but couldn’t see how I could make it small enough to work …
I kept looking at images and knew I should keep with a beachy theme and eventually came to a wave … now I can be sure that whatever happens I won’t miss the beach again as I now have the ocean waves tattoo’d on my wrist for emergency beach situations 🏖️ Along with ‘A sky full of stars’.
A big thank you to Rivergate Tattoo for booking me in for ‘right now’ when I called today! 🤣
In addition to my ‘Did not die day’ celebrations – I sent my sisters and my parents flowers to celebrate ‘Leanne Day’ … Now maybe eFlorist thought the best way to celebrate my first ‘Did not die day’ was to send people dead flowers … which is a bit dark … I just wish I’d thought of it 🤣 could have saved a few ££.
It’s the thought that counts 😂
My flowers, as poor as they turned out were supposed to be a gesture. A thank you to my mum and my dad and to my sisters Lisa and Louise for everything they have done for me over the past year. They have done so much for me that I would never be able to thank them in words … so a bunch of dead flowers will have to do it 🧡
And to you too, if you are reading this 👋 hi! So many people have contacted me since I started writing this blog and in someways that was kind of the point. In any scenario where you feel like the only one and no one understands – so many people are also feeling just as alone and simply uttering the words ‘Me too’ or ‘I understand’ or ‘I see you’ makes such a huge difference.
So I will carry on rambling when I have something to ramble on about and if you are still reading this, you are my people and are always welcome for a cup of tea ☕️
Now to end the day with a Cuthbert the Caterpillar Cake … because what is a celebration without Cuthbert? 🧡
🌹
My unwilling journey with Crohn’s Disease 
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