Emergency, Intensive Care and Beyond

I wake groggy and confused, in the weirdest room I have ever been in.

There is only one bed that I can see and I feel like I am tied to it.

I zone back out.

I wake and Mum and Dad are there.

They both look emotional, where am I?

It’s bright but also not. It’s nighttime and the lights are low but everything is still bright white.

There are 6 of us. Me, Mum and Dad, 2 ladies and a man.

There is a conversation, not sure what it is all about, I am muttering about something. Everything feels odd. I don’t really understand but Mum and Dad are here so it must all be ok …

My Mum and Dad are amazing. I could never imagine being in a position of not just wanting but physically, emotionally needing them to be with me in such a way as I have in the past 2 months or so. Nothing has been too much trouble … I am in awe of their strength and togetherness. Mum and Dad are such a unit, especially in a crisis, that work together amazingly well, one single unit.

Mum became my voice for me when through pain or meds I could not communicate. One look was enough for mum to know that she was up. She remembers all the stuff and fires off all questions! She will figure it all out and make it ok. Dad, is the everything guy, there is nothing that calling dad wouldn’t be the right answer for. I called the other day and was a little emotional, he was by my hospital bed within 20mins with a fruity ice lolly ready to go … funnily enough Uncle Mark dad’s younger brother called just after Dad got here that day and asked how I was and that was again a teary answer so he also appeared by my bed about 20mins later 😂 (McCBrother thing ❤️)

There is a whole days worth of stuff that I simply was not conscious for so I have diverted this day to my Mum and Dad to tell their combined story. Dad wrote this out for me across 4 A4 pages whilst talking to Mum while she was making the dinner … here is their story 😘

Mum and Dad’s Story (written by Dad) …

Sunday 19th June

We were both really really worried at this point about how quickly things were changing with you whilst we waited for the ambulance and it not coming quickly enough and at the same time not letting you see how worried we were.

Then the ambulance came and we became even more worried by the paramedics response to your condition!

When you and your mum got to hospital I came up but we were told only one of us could stay with you. You were in majors by then, after being admitted through RESUS as the ambulance had called the hospital on its way there. Blue lights and sirens, and you were rushed straight in.

Now even more worried as with waiting times etc you were rushed straight through, no queuing.

I had to leave to sit in the car for a while but on double yellows so went home (7 mins away) and sat by the phone checking in with mum, or mum telling me what was happening every hour or so until finally the surgeons decided you could not wait you needed to go to theatre.

Monday 20th June

You went to surgery at 9:22am, I picked Mum up at 9:30 after she saw you off with hugs and kisses from both of us to begin this journey.

We then just sat looking at the clock, waiting for the phone. Hospital said to ring after lunch, we kept ringing and being told you have not arrived in recovery yet, 2pm, 3pm still in theatre.

Now even more worried as it has been 6 hours. We contacted the ‘sisters friends, friends sister’ who popped in to see mum earlier and asked if they could find anything out about what was happening.

After a short time they told us you were in ICU, we phone them directly and they told us what had been done to you and and that you were on a respirator still – they were not sure when they would try to wake you up today or tomorrow and we had to make an appointment to come in and see you at 6pm for one hour only.

By this time me and Mum cracked, we never expected this. We thought you would just go to recovery wake up and start getting better.

Just as we were really loosing it, Auntie Lorraine and Uncle Paul turned up to see if we had heard anything and we composed ourselves.

When we arrived your surgeon was with you. They had just taken you off of the respirator and you were breathing by yourself and supporting your organs which they were all surprised at – they explained just how critically ill you were. Until then we did not know how very very very ill you were, you were awake but on another planet at this point. You had 9 different drips and I don’t know how many machines you were connected to. But you were off your face and it all went over your head,

All you wanted was a drink and for me and mum to hold your hand.

You had a really really lovely nurse Efa who was stationed at the end of your bed and assured us she was looking after you and would not leave your side, in fact she was holding your hand when we got there.

They did not know how long you were going to be there in ICU but they said you were not going anywhere until they were happy it was safe for you to move onto a ward.

I can honestly say that this was the longest 24 hours of our lives and I still can’t work out in my head that it was you laying there when it should have been one of us old buggers.

Our appointment was an hour from 6-7 but we were told we could phone and check on you anytime. So that’s what we did, every time we phoned they put us through to the nurse who was looking after you, who was holding your hand as we spoke to her.

Tuesday 21st June

On the Tuesday we had booked another appointment and by this time, you understood what had happened, you were still in shock but positive that someone had finally listened to you and done something about the pain.

You surprised everyone with your progress and on the evening of the Tuesday you were moved to the ward.

It just shows how strong and positive you are that you can go to such extremes to get out of buying a Father’s Day present xxx

Back to my story

Tuesday 21st June

I woke up and made the decision not to look down. By now I know what is there, I cannot remember the moment of realisation or how I was told or anything but I guess that from the pain across my entire stomach that Plan A) Key hole that I was working to as an out patient had disappeared.

I had a ‘Worsening collection and a perforation associated with Crohn’s disease’ which required a ‘Laparoscopic converted to open right hemi Colectomy plus double/barrel yellow/collustomy’

Clear? No, I am still figuring it all out. Catching nurses and Surgeons as they pass and asking them to give the all the explanations they have given us multiple times, just once more. Especially now, 3 weeks on from this moment where I am less pharmaceutically enhanced.

But in a nutshell – The initial discharge plan was for me to go home with steroids and the bit of bowel/colon that was inflamed and angry due to Crohn’s would calm down over 6/8weeks of medication and then they would operate on a healthy Leanne with a less angry bowel/colon … but as with all best intentions … I managed ten days in hospital and then that one sweet day at home following the above process before 🚑

… So the emergency plan was keyhole but didn’t that pan out, so they had to open me up remove 20cm of bowel/colon and due to the major nature of the surgery, and that I was incredibly unwell before, during and after the surgery, create a stoma for the remaining bowel/colon to rest and recover from trauma, the intention remains that the stoma will be reversed in the next ‘few months’ when I am fit and well enough for surgery.

Note – All conversations that I am 100% sure were had pre emergency surgery and I agreed and signed to whatever but I was in so much pain, I would have agreed to anything or signed anything just to be relieved of pain! No finger pointing or anything of the type here, they saved my life and as much as I may bitch and moan about this whole situation while I am in pain and recovering, without it … ⚰️🤷‍♀️

My time in ITU felt short, to others I am sure it felt like a lifetime. To Mum and Dad, my absolute hero’s. To my sisters Lisa and Louise … Lisa who was due her first family of 4 holiday this Tuesday morning was caught in an impossible situation but I still argue, you could sit in the UK and worry about me all day or sit on the beach in Lanzarote and worry about me while as far as the little ones are concerned you all have the holiday you planned. I would always pick the beach, Louise has a couple of days but is in the same thought process as she has a many times covid delayed girls trip that she NEEDS to be on. Seriously everyone, I am sorry for scaring you but I am fine. Go to the damn beach, Leanne always demands it!

My key memory of ITU is specific people.

Efa and Veda ❤️ You beautiful humans. Efa my parents met on the Monday night but not Veda.

I woke up, they had such a friendly rep-our with each other and I happily just sat back and listened to the world whilst my brain woke up.

They decided today was the day I got washed up and ready to face the world again.

The words to strike fear into any human ‘Bed Bath’.

What a strange, most needed but unexpected experience. The term itself screams indignity, it screams embarrassing, it screams NO! However, I was not in much of a position to turn it down in all of my post theatre glory.

But I was wrong, it was no violation, it was actually incredibly dignified, and refreshing. Both Efa and Veda work together so effortlessly, the left hand knows what the right hand it doing, they communicate to each other so beautifully that they almost operate as one person. After a thoroughly enjoyable bed bath life is about to get amazing … due to my previous hospital stay of 10 day, plus a sky rocketing temperature and writhing around in a lot of pain, my hair is matted in one giant knot at the back of my head.

Veda took a hospital shower cap like this, microwaved it so it was warm and gave me the ultimate head massage. But that was not all…

What my heart will always remember Veda for is that she took my hair brush and she got in there and sorted it out. Best part of an hour she took working that brush through my super matted hair, Some how she did not pull or make any part of this moment less than one of my favourite moments in life. ❤️

I will be creating a survival guide with tips such as this in as soon as this blog is published so I will come back and link it here with my little How To Guide 🤩

Efa and Veda gave me my humanity back, they cleaned me up, made me smell good, fixed the hair situation and made me look and feel like I could do this.

Mum and Dad visited in the afternoon and in the evening Mum came back with Louise. It feel so sad when I think of them all being stressed, worried or upset at first sight of me… hopefully never again!

Farewell ITU

I remember being wheeled into a bay with 5 other ladies already in place. I can’t remember if Mum and Dad were with me or if it was just me.

It was dark, it must have just been me. We pulled into the bay and I feel the cold hard stares of the other ladies in the bay. All looking at me like I was different, pitying, pathetic, weak and they cagoule all see my big old scars and Stoma bag … in reality I am sure they did not even look up but I felt so exposed.

They wheel me into the bay and do their hand over. Lot’s of medical terms that I cannot associate with myself yet fly over my head. There is minor chit chat around me. I speak with the Nurse and HCA who will be on duty that evening briefly, smile and nod and close my eyes.

Wednesday morning comes around and with it, the madness begins…

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This is the piece of the jigsaw I have been wanting to finish writing to give people more information as to what exactly has happened to me without having to explain it a million times. One that I can share openly with family, friends, colleagues and strangers.

I am open to conversations … tactful conversations, please be aware this is very new and scary and unexpected and unknown to me – please be thoughtful before you speak 🗣 🙈

Also, throughout my story I will highlight the blood transfusions that I have had and ask you to consider giving blood as you really do not know when you might need it … I never have and have now been told that as I have received a blood transfusion I now cannot donate ☹️

But if you can and you want more information please check out the link below.

https://www.blood.co.uk