🤣 It has not been my year …
Actually that’s a lie … my year has been split into 3 parts.
Part 1 – was Busy but Good!
We welcomed my new niece Millie into the world and my nephew Jaxon turned 4.
I had trips to Sweden, Denmark, Finland in the Snow 🥰 and Ireland.
I won a values award at work 🤩 and helped to host an online Kick Off event, testing positive for Covid half way through 🤙
I had my birthday and Easter … and lots of fun in between!
Part 2 – Not so good!
I got sick … real sick … that was pretty rubbish.
Not being taken seriously when I knew there was a problem. My diagnosis of Crohn’s disease, Emergency surgeries, intensive care, waking with a surprise ileostomy, my hair falling out … blah blah.
The uncertainty, the never ending battle, the highs and lows and the never ending disappointment of another medication, another surgery, another bloody infection …
Trying to adjust to a new body that was not co operating. Having to relearn how to do the simplest of things such as get my arse out of bed. Having to ask for help 🤬 for the most stupid of things!!
Getting home and building a new routine of how to function in the world, what I can do, why I can’t do, what I can do with help … Having to have a chaperone to go up and down the stairs … weirdly not being able to stand on one leg … (still can’t btw 😂)
The emotional toll of accepting that not all people are made to be ‘ride or die’ friends, there for you no matter what and some people really are 🙌
Learning to navigate a world where people will make negative assumptions of my capabilities with no actual basis for this assumption. Why let fact get in the way, hey?!
Part 3 – the come back
Getting back to it! Back to work, back to me, back to life.
Starting a phased return to work was vital for my mental health – no structure or routine to my day was not helping my mindset!
Working with some super supportive colleagues who quickly helped me get what I needed – a sense of self worth! They reminded me who I am, what I am capable of and what I have to offer. And with this my work quickly returned to normal minus the travel for the moment.
Work wise, it has been a strong quarter, I have worked differently to how I usually would without any travel – which has been neither good nor bad, just different. Like in a post pandemic world, there are always positives to be found in being forced to do something differently and I won’t be rushing back to the old way just because I can but will evaluate what gets the best results both personally and professionally.
I have a super awesome haircut that I would NEVER have been brave enough to do in any other time. Most of my hair fell out any way, so we shaved the rest and dyed it pink … seems like an obvious thing to do really!
Oh and a tattoo – I was looking for a thing to mark this period of time … I bought myself a Tiffany’s necklace on my first solo trip in Singapore in 2017 and that got broken while we were shaving my head 😱 It was fixed!! But I decided to go with something less fragile and went with the tattoo … I think I need another one … 🤔
End of Year
I end this year strong.
I mean if I compare myself to a year ago, I would be in a negative place … so why do that?
So that’s not my comparison … I look at where I was 6 months ago and 3 months ago and 1 month ago … and see that I have come so far and continue to do so!
Looking forward
I am a different me to who I was last year and that is mostly a positive.
This time last year, I was stressed and busy and tired and actually already possibly sick . I said yes to everything at my own personal detriment. Running around just getting it done. Now I can manage expectations better and prioritise what needs to be done while communicating this clearly – not leaving myself overworked and overwhelmed by my enthusiasm and desire to do everything!
Weirdly I am more confident in many ways, I can advocate for myself, I know when to speak up and will not just accept the norm of processes or behaviours – I don’t have to just deal with it, I don’t have to accept it just is, I will advocate for change for myself and for the ME’s of the future.
For someone who has issues with public speaking since childhood and would previously find a way to duck out of it – speaking up on a call of c. 20 people would have been a HELL NO for me last year, I have done it multiple times in the last few months 💪 and with the help of my Mentor and my Manager, I will continue to ride this wave and keep working on this, hopefully by the end of 2023 I will have nailed it and they will not be able to shut me up!
I am looking at all the things I ever wanted to do but have never had time to do … why didn’t I have time to live? I am making time now! I am looking at learning BSL in the new year, re-joining writing groups and am arranging a social event for people going through situations like me in my area. (If you want to come and are in Bedfordshire, drop me a message! ❤️)
In January, I have a meeting with my surgeon to review where I am and will be looking to confirm even provisionally the next steps so that even if with tiny steps , we keep pushing forwards! 🤜🤛
2022 you were a Challenge, you kicked my butt but taught me a lot and in the long run, it will have created a stronger person, one more focused and more aware of what is important to me in this world.
So farewell to 2022, thank you and Goodbye!
My unwilling journey with Crohn’s Disease 