Waiting for a life on the outside

As I wait *patiently* for my new normal to begin, it feels like the world is on fast forward around me.

I am sitting still in a world of weddings, festivals, parties, bbqs, gatherings and even walks in the park or on the beach that I cannot participate in.

It feels like all I do is complain, my last normal day I can specifically pin point to Monday 16th May, landing in Sweden and heading out for dinner, from the next day it has been pain and restriction.

I just need one day, a day off from this bullshit. A day where I can get dressed and not in baggy clothes to avoid my scars and Ostomy, where my skin doesn’t feel scabby and my hair looks nice. I then want to go anywhere that is not here, eat something nice and hear people laughing.

I don’t think it is a huge ask.

Maybe it is.

Yes I am pissed off and frustrated and beyond anything BORED. No you cannot ‘fix’ it and the repeated attempts to ‘fix’ my mood just makes my mood worse.

But then at least people are present. There are many surprises, many who have really stepped up and those who have stepped away. I see both sides very clearly. Neither have been missed.

As my sister says to my 4 yo nephew when he is being evil … maybe we just need a new day … ☁️

🌹