Life on the Surgical ward … the new normal – 22nd June 2022

Morning comes around, my first back on a real ward since ITU and with it, the madness begins.

We Meet the Squad

From 8am Breakfast there’s a constant stream of faces popping into to say hello … first up is Mr Saga.

You never see A doctor, you always see 6. So I am laying low on a hospital bed and have these 6 people towering over me … this is in no way intimidating of course. Dr Saga introduces his team, I met him the week before prior to initial discharge. He was the Emergency Surgeon and he told me his emergency plan then, now from looking at him I know exactly what has happened actually went to plan just a different plan from the plan Inwas hoping for this is Mr Saga’s Emergency Plan …

When I was initially admitted for my first stint, Mr Saga on seeing my CT came to see me and told me that he was keeping an eye out for me as he was on call for emergencies. His plan for such an event was to go in pop in a Stoma as a standard, either remove what he needs to or repair what can be. The stoma would be temporary and reversible while everything else had a chance to relax and heal. Which is reassuring, it was an emergency in terms of it must happen now, but was not an emergency in terms of panic stations, what do we do?

Mr Saga clearly noticed that as he looked at my stomach, I looked away.

‘Have you looked yet?’

‘No but I will when I am ready, today is not that day.’

‘Ok then, but keep in mind, your ability to accept this and to properly care for your stoma yourself at home is your ticket out of here. We cannot allow you to go home until you can manage your own stoma confidently.’

Takes deep breath and then looks down at stomach, feels breath begin to quicken, ‘Oh my God!’ Then a hand reached out from the bottom right corner of bed. It is my new hero, Dr Sian, she says nothing, she just holds my hand and is really with me in the moment of absolute fear and horror, so many questions but no words to ask them.

That is enough and I look back to the ceiling with tears, and seems to be enough for Mr Saga as with a warm ‘and that’s it, well done’ he and his team left me in peace, curtains open on my request, I concentrated on the ceiling trying to refocus my mind and bring everything back together. My world had just crashed once more at the very sight of me.

*Dr Sian came back after rounds to make sure I was ok and sit and talk with me for a while. I will never forget any of her kindness ❤️

Who’s next please …

Breakfast is the busiest meal of the day for visitors and here are the pain management team. The ask me if I am ok, I say no, we all laugh, it is true though, I really am not.

They talk me through my PCA – aka my buddy here Maurice 👇

In the words of Genie ‘You never had a friend like me’! Now some of the midnight albeit immobile shenanigans myself/Maurice the morphine pump and my sleepwalking habit have found us in have been quite remarkable in some ways and near enough every word written in this blog when Maurice has been near in has to be reread 5 times … and some of the text messages sent – /Leanne what does this mean?’ Not a clue, but will ask Maurice during his matinee performance 😂 …

But joking aside, Maurice is a PCA. Basically when I was about to do something that I knew would hurt, move with the physio, need to cough, readjust in bed, yawn, breath, blink in the early days … silly things, I could press this button and it will give my pain medication quickly so that I can do what I need to do. I could rely on this once every 5 minutes. Which was great and not … when awake, I was in control, all is well, sleeping not so much, this was my only painkiller, if I am not pressing, it is because I am asleep and when I wake up, total agony due to no pain killers due to no pressing, he was not ideal but he was an experience! Maurice stayed with me for a couple of days post op 1 and then for about 7 days post op 2, which also covered op 3 before moving me onto tablets and a manual top up as required which allowed me a ore steady pain release.

Next Please …

I am heavily distracted while Stoma Nurse Lisa is speaking to me … she is a 100% double of my cousin Kerry who in hindsight would also be great at this job 🤔 … so my brain is all over that, and then it gets a bit more real than I needed and my brain leaves town entirely.

The beauty of the Stoma team is, as much as they live and breathe all things Stoma, they do this with patients such as myself who are dealing with a brand new stoma and like me cannot always deal with everything on day one, or day two, or day three or until day I am ready now … the training reflects this so perfectly, in that it is repetitive and uniform between the 4 fantastic members of the team. They will repeat essentially the same script to you, whilst changing your stoma every single day. Each day, I had a point where my brain opted out. But each day that point has become a little later, so every day I hear and compute just that little bit more.

My Final breakfast guest

Mr Yunis, was the Plan A surgeon, he comes in, takes a seat on the end of my bed, takes a deep breath and says ‘well that didn’t work out quite how we wanted it to, did it girl?’ But then with a big smile says ‘No worries, the stoma’s reversible so we can get back on track. I’m not worried.’

I like this guy, he is a calming type. From the first time I met him on being diagnosed with Crohn’s, he has very much said to me, this is our journey and we will do it together. Obviously this turned into an emergency and was taken out of his control, he still checked in and he will still be ‘my friend’ from an out patient perspective.

Relief! He left and I cried (I cry a lot, I am an world of emotion over here!) but I cried in relief that it wasn’t all a big mess, yes it wasn’t Plan A but there is no reason we cannot get Plan A back on track a little further down the line. The answer right now is to just get strong and healthy.

The Ladies

It is around 1pm and I have very much kept my head down since arriving on the ward and between various staff passing through to speak with me and naps, I have managed so far. Lunch comes and I am on a post op diet of clear liquids which thankfully includes tea 😘 because the clear soup that comes at lunch time really is NOT the one! I endure some of it but not much 🤮

Two of the ladies opposite are pretty much ready for discharge and are waiting for some final sign off or tick from somewhere and have decided to go on an adventure. I am in no way fit to join but watching them ready themselves for a coffee at the shop downstairs made me really pleased for them and look forward to my own time.

It is warm on the ward, one of the ladies, H asks me whether I am allowed to have an ice lolly and I thought about it and yes I am sure of it. So on their travels, H and R took to looking for an ice lolly for an anti social crying girl why had not even made the effort to say hello to them. People are incredible! 💛

They returned, apologies no ice lolly, the cafe didn’t have and the shop had sold out. I messaged my dad and he would hook me up later. I thanked them for looking and said the ice lolly was a great idea, I needed to bite into something and taste something! H giggled, ‘I know exactly what you mean’ she said as flashed her stomach at me showing a stomach scar and a stoma. ‘You will be ok young lady. I am sure of it.’

That blew me away, how lovely! She could have kept her head down and ignored the weepy girl but she didn’t. Pain recognised Pain and recognised the Pain. H and R were such great neighbours to have, they taught me how to cough 😂 after stomach surgery, this is something to relearn … the answer cuddle pillow, literally hold the pillow to your stomach, click on Maurice and gently cough.

Over time cuddle pillow was upgraded to my memory foam travel pillow and then eventually upgraded to Georgie Porgy by Louise 😂.

Mum and Dad are here now for visiting, they will pop in early afternoon and evening for a few days while they get over the shock of ITU and everything else. My body has been through a lot but mentally these two have been dragged all the way along with me. Hopefully in the next few days they will realise they can relax.

*spoilers, they won’t.*